diary

Light.

Day 50. My Dream Drawing, my wish/ vision for the week: light.

Like a wild flower; she spent her days, allowing herself to grow, not many knew of her struggle, but eventually all; knew of her light (Nike Rowe).

Through what I do I try to spread some light around me. My mission is simple - to lay a ground for other people to "dance on", whether as a Drummer, Artist or Mentor.

I could never do that if I hadn't been through real darkness, felt deep, black pain under my own skin; I was close to die from Anorexia as a teenager, I've been harshly (loudly and silently) criticized and questioned for both my choice of path in Life and for being who I am; being, crying, laughing, dreaming too much. And, I've felt deeply "neglected" many times by teachers et al. due to my apparent look of confidence. Going through this doesn't mean that I am tougher than anyone else. On the contrary. I still fall. Still struggle. I've just taken a choice to be bold enough to carry my own, fragile sensitivity on a silver tray in front of me and serve it, transparently.

Let's spread some light this week! 🌟

Maria. 

 

Dream Drawing November 2016: Light. 

Dream Drawing November 2016: Light. 

Time, Laughter & Boldness, day 31.

This week someone asked me about my vision for the next months. Usually I say: - Freedom! Badass Freedom at all levels! This time though, I replied - Laughter in the World. I didn't even know what I meant when the words left my mouth... Afterwards I asked myself, so what does it mean to you? The reply was: it means flirting to myself in the mirror, looking up and smile honestly to the camera when I´m filming myself playing. It means loving all parts of me, the good and the bad ones and taking my job and my life less serious. It means focusing on spreading some sincere Love in the world through what I do.

With time I have learned to ask, to listen and to practice with a calm in my heart. I´m still learning to manage Time but as I do, I realize that it´s more about forgetting TIME and managing energy that is the way to a healthy schedule. It´s not the hours and minutes you put into the work. It´s about presence. Are you there when you do it? Body, mind & soul? I think it´s about having the energy to be bold enough to accept Life as it happens? That takes some courage. But, whenever we push time and exhaust ourselves we put a break in the stream of life. I know this. I´ve done it many times. I burn so deeply for what I do that I have a problem to stop. When I don´t my laughter disappear. Everything gets serious and my energy fades.

For the next months I´ll try to be bold enough to open up space for LAUGHTER and see where that takes me. Yes!

As always, with much love,

Maria.